No Words Today

So photos must suffice.  We lost my sweet grandpa early this morning.  It’s been a rough few weeks for us all, and so I will leave this post with some photos from happier times.  My sweet baby always brings a smile to my face.  I love having him all to myself during most days–nothing compares.

13 weeks today, tomorrow is 3 Months!

Here’s my baby boy at 7 weeks old… The week he really began to smile.

Then 8 weeks… on his fun jungle playmat

Then 10 weeks old!  (Yes, I accidentally skipped a week here and there, you may notice) 
And 11 weeks…

And I took this set today at his fun little 13 week shoot:

Don’t you just want to kiss those little feet!?  I do!  What has changed about my little boy in these weeks?  Everything.  From the cute little personality that’s coming out, to the soft brown hair that is sprouting at the top of his head… everything is changing so fast.  We’re trying to document all of those sweet milestones and keep track of when he does things and how.  I journal on an inconsistent basis, making sure to jot a quick note about when big things occurred and write them out in all of their glory later.  This is a truly amazing time, yet it is also a trying time.  Teething has begun and that’s no fun.  Other than when a cute little pearly tooth pops out, it seems to be the pits for all of us until he can be soothed into a peaceful sleep.  We’re hoping he won’t be teething for months before one actually comes in–who knew those little teeth could take so long? 

In other news, something I’m learning is that you can count on life to be inconsistent–there are so many ups and downs as a new mom!  When you think you’ve got one thing figured out, another complex problem takes its place and makes you rethink it all.  When you and your husband seem to find a nice pace of living, when there is some pattern emerging from the chaos all around, you find yourself walking yet again in a maze of craziness.  Such is life, eh?  Oh well.  Some days it really does get to be a lot, and I am pulling out my hair in agony… wondering how I will make it.  Then others we just smile at the insanity and make the most of it.  Laughing as we go–not being too hurried as we go about our tasks, and enjoying it. 

These past few days, all I’ve been saying is, “Thanks, God, for a new day tomorrow…. and.. where did that Infant Tylenol go!?”

-M

A full day–and little Jack.

Oh dear, what a long time it has been. We feel like time moves so much more quickly now that we have a little one among us. Months feel like weeks. Weeks feel like days. And so it goes. Today was a good day. It started off fairly beautifully, with our little man smiling and laughing and cooing. He is amazing us around every corner, making us smile and laugh with joy at each turn. He has these mornings now where he wakes up, eats a good breakfast, and then just contentedly looks around his world and enjoys being with his Mommy & Daddy. He lies between us and smiles, and we just soak it up. At the difficult moments of my days, it’s a special blessing to think back to the morning (however long ago and far away it may seem) and smile at our moments with one another.

So this morning was one of those sweet, sweet mornings, and then it took a turn for the unexpected. Troy was leaving for work, and he was going out the door when he said to me, “Honey, come here… look.” I was a little scared to see what it would be–he had a tone that I don’t often hear. A bit of hesitation, a bit of worry. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, and what I saw amazed me: A little bunny. Tiny. Just a hint of a rabbit, really. It was lying on our doormat, still as could be, with its eyes closed and ears flattened. We’d never seen a baby rabbit so small, and so very vulnerable. I’m sure a chord was struck within me, having just birthed my own little tiny one. I wanted to help it, wanted to do something for it. So my hubs had to go to work, and he said, “Will you take care of it?!” With the hope I saw in his eyes, how could I not?

I checked around, and eventually after speaking to a few people (via the web, and phone) I finally was advised to take the baby inside because of the ridiculous heat. I did that, and was glad I did because he was looking even more small and tired than the last time I had checked on him. I put our dogs and cat away (who knows… you just can’t be too safe with something like this!) and brought Jack into the house and placed him gently in the bottom of a big rubbermaid with a warm tee-shirt.

I wondered and thought about what would happen to sweet Jack, took a few photos and a video, and then imagined myself nursing him with a tiny little syringe full of “kitten milk,” the pet formula the vet had suggested I purchase. I was terrified, thinking of how I know so little about baby bunnies, and worried to have such a small life on my hands without any knowledge of his needs. Thankfully, I did not have to go through that scenario because I was given the number of a wildlife rehab person in the area. I drove Jack out to her, and handed him over carefully. Whew. What a relief to give him to a professional–someone who knew what he needed! Someone who wouldn’t screw him up with their well-intentioned mistakes (like perhaps, I could have). In those moments, I am reminded of motherhood and mothering: I try and try to know everything I can about my baby, but in the end I have to give him over to the One who is so much bigger, who knows him inside and out. Something I never can do, no matter what. I will never know him as much as his Creator does. Something no mother can do all the way for their baby, no matter how good a mother they are. Whether you’re great at mothering or you’re the most uncertain mother on the planet, God will be a better mother than you are. Comforting thoughts to me, at least. I’d rather know that He is in control of all of that, anyway. Amazing how a tiny bunny can change my life and remind me of God’s goodness. And God knows more than Karp, or Brazelton, or Spock. Especially Spock. Ha!

So, after all of that excitement and life-saving, I was pretty pooped by around 1 o’clock. I was so thankful that my mom had asked me what my plans were for the day, because I really needed some babying. Do you have those days when you need to be taken care of? Most of us would hate to admit it, but you know–it’s so freeing when you finally do. When you sink into the arms of a friend or loved one who understands and cares for you, there is nothing better than hanging up your pride and your big girl pants, and deciding to be vulnerable and allowing them to comfort you.

As a mom, I want to wear my big girl pants often–of course! But there is still a time and place for them to take a rest. I digress. Anyhow, boy am I thankful for my family. There are always ups and downs with family, but you love them just the same. And may I say that they love me just the same, and I am so glad. Mom & I got to have quality time, and she got to have some baby time, too. She loved on him, read to him, and talked to him so much. It brought tears to my eyes to see her enjoying her grandson. My dad was completely enchanted by his grandson, too, and I got to glimpse a bit of what his own fatherhood of myself and my brother must have been like. He kept saying, “What a beautiful baby you are! Did you know? You’re so very handsome.” What a great father. I have been blessed and gifted with two wonderful parents. Mom & I looked at some baby photos of my brother, and I reached into the past with my imagination. How time changes everything. Furthermore, Mom got out my baby diary that she’d lovingly kept, and made us both laugh until we had tears in our eyes because of the hilarity of it all. Would you believe that I was a biter?! And a baby-hitter?! How could I do such things??!!! But I suppose that’s another story for another book.

So I will end this here, and call it a night. Though I know you want to know so badly why I hit a baby when I was two years old.
Adieu.

-M

A Little Man

Life is just ticking on by, and with that there have been so many changes, so many adjustments, so many rearrangements. We both pretty much fell down in a heap when we realized how many things there were to do “before” little man arrives, but it’s also a good incentive and soon after being swept with overwhelm we were both up again with gusto. We have had a busy January, packed with days where I could hardly get out of bed until noon (I think it was a mix of SAD + newly large & in charge baby belly keeping me up all hours of the night) yet somehow we mustered energy in order to reorganize, re-do, and re-shape. Our home is coming along–we have a wee tiny bathroom on the main floor of our house–our bedroom used to be in the loft upstairs. Now we have our livingroom up there in the loft, where it is spacious with the angled roof, and our bedroom is in a smaller room on the main floor, where it will be directly across from our little one’s nursery. Perfect. And direct access to bathroom/water/toilet as needed. Just as I have begun to leap out of bed at 4 AM to pee. I’d say that’s superb planning.

I am entering into month SIX of pregnancy, and it feels like a daydream. There have not been as many moments of losing my composure as I would’ve expected, and I’m thankful. Yet–when I thought I had my mind wrapped around the prospects and meanings of mother hood, I had another momentous tremor run through my mind and body upon seeing that our baby, our tiny one, is a BOY. Life changes, and this changes everything. Not to say that it wouldn’t have changed everything had he been proclaimed a girl–that would’ve too. It’s the mere fact that we KNOW. We know, and we are planning, and I am loving the thought of raising a little man. I hope for him all of the things a boy needs: Space to run, to scream and laugh, a dad who will play rough with him and wrestle and everything else. I am dreaming of having a little guy who wants to kiss his mommy’s cheek and who has a crazy creative streak in him. Who makes us laugh and who I can sing to and smile with and teach to swim. Who I can read to every single night. Who knows what you will be, little man, but you are already mine and that is all that matters.

In other news, I am extremely excited about planning our BABYMOON! It looks as though we might take a week or a little less and adventure into the Smokey Mountains. A cabin, that gorgeous, breath-taking view, and my man cuddled up close to me.. what else could I want? I long to get away. Out into a place where I feel like I can sink my eyes into a scenery. Landscape. Open spaces. That’s what I always feel the need for being where we are, in such a small town with no natural beauty. Alas, I try to be thankful for the corn fields and the parks. They are beautiful sometimes, but this will be a real thrill and such a nice relaxing time. It will be longer than our honeymoon, even, and it’s a great time (I’ve got pretty good energy right now) to go on some exciting excursions that we’ll look back on fondly when we’re up all the time with our newborn.

-M

The Loves and Hates of Pregnancy

Blogging is so relaxing, so freeing, and comforting–so I will write on a topic I have enjoyed to the max lately (my very first pregnancy) instead of on current events. It has been super exciting, envigorating, and has made me cry for numerous reasons, but it is all a very joyful and wonderful experience. So many changes, much to digest. Planning. Rearrangements of life–yes. But enjoyable nonetheless. I have already talked to many people about the things they loved/hated about their pregnancies, and I’m thankful to have earnest yet funny and smart friends who have gone before me (or are currently just a bit further along than I am). Imagine me as one of the little squirrels you have skittering about your yard–I’m constantly gathering little tidbits–little nuts of knowledge–for my own experience. Not all of them will prove necessary, but grabbing up a whole lot of info has always helped me to make an informed decision.

Here I will compile, in all reality, my three-month-long assessment of what I love and hate thus far:

Love: I love the feeling I have with a little life inside me. Knowing that I have been chosen as a vessel for brand new breath. A beating heart in my womb, a boy or a girl who will walk and talk and think and act. A person who will vote, who will have opinions, who will make decisions, who will have a purpose. It thrills me.

Hate: Feeling a bit on eggshells about all of the No-No’s (as there are multiple no-no’s… various infractions one can commit) of pregnancy. I feel I must be very careful of everything, which is somewhat true. Part of me wishes that we were all more educated on these things somehow before we had to go through them–so we knew proper precautions. I mean, it’s gotta be more useful to my life than Trigonometry, right??! I just feel that there are so many things to avoid, such as unsteamed deli meat, some seafoods, certain cheeses, etc… that I sometimes catch myself looking closely at everything that touches my mouth. There are far less things to DO that are emphasized in our culture, but I am certainly trying to find those out too. Walking. Prenatal yoga. Kegel exercises. Daily DHA doses. To name a few.

Love: Having friends who ask me fun questions like, “So what is the thing you’re looking forward to the most when the little one gets here?” I’d have to say that I’m really anticipating reading to my baby. And cuddling. And I think I’m looking forward to nursing, though I’ve heard it can be painful at first. It will be a bonding experience. Anyhow, it’s so important to me that these people show genuine interest in my own personal experience, my own daily thoughts about pregnancy. It is truly a blessing and very supportive. They make me feel special in this time, where I’m at.

Hate: Hearing too many pregnancy stories from others, who have had multiple pregnancies or have TONS of stories and just want to talk about everything, but don’t really listen… hearing some of it is fun, but after awhile it becomes overwhelming. These kinds of people generally don’t seem interested in my unique pregnancy story, but want to give a lot of unsolicited advice and tell me what to do. Not really what I’m looking for.

Love: Having a husband who pampers me–and just generally is watching out for what I need and wants to get it for me! What a huge help! He is so understanding, though this is our first pregnancy, and wants to know what i’m going through. When we realized that ginger ale was going to be something that REALLY did help the nausea for me, he went out and bought a liter bottle, and a twelve pack, and mde sure we were super stocked up. Bravo. He is supportive, loving, and Christ-like to me.. not to mention I love laughing with him and knowing that he’s going to be a father who loves his children.

Hate: Not being able to eat veggies extensively, as I once did. Truly, this is my most hated aspect of pregnancy. The nausea that accompanies my food choices makes me think twice about what I will consume. One sniff of mushrooms, and I’m a goner. I did not think that food could have such an effect on me–and I have somewhat of a guilt complex because I want to eat veggies and help my little person be as healthy as possible–though I know they say it will all “even out” in my other trimesters. Still. Its rough since I love vegetables anyhow. At least I can take Chlorella, a supplement a friend suggested, to help me get the same nutrients I normally would from leafy greens.

I’m sure I’ve painted a colorful, and hopefully accurate picture of life as a pregnant momma. I’m enjoying this stage of my life, and I hope you’re enjoying yours!

With love,

-M

Three Months.

Baby,
here I am at three months with you. The sun was setting, the magic hour was here, and I asked your dad to go on an adventure with me… to make some memories lest we forget. Lest I forget how small my tummy once was, since you’ve got so much growing still to do! You’re only about as big as my thumb, but you’ve already shaped my life. Yesterday I got to hear your heart. Beating, beating. It was faster than I thought it should be, but hearing that sound of life made my heart skip. My eyes got tears. Your grandpa’s eyes teared up too. It doesn’t feel real, and yet you are. We wonder when I will start to feel your little arms and legs moving? Sometimes I feel like I already do, and your dad thinks its possible. I can’t wait to get to know you. You’re already so beautiful to us.

Each day is a new journey, a new travelling experience through this life. The other day I was so sick I thought I would never feel like myself again, and then yesterday I had so much more energy! It was a blessing. So.. I reorganized some things in the kitchen, made myself eat a lot, and took advantage of the possibly second-trimester-wind I was getting. Today I’m a little less enthusiastic, but it’s been a great Saturday. We got up early, and started on productive things. I took stock of some early Christmas presents we’d gotten, to check and see who else we need to buy for. That made me giddy, thinking of the holidays. They are exciting to me this year, especially with a little one who will be moving around by Thanksgiving! Maybe at Christmas everyone will be able to feel it! Wow. Anyhow, I loved our photoshoot tonight. Troy’s the best photographer, and I like being his model. Whew. Sorry my blogging has lagged, but as you see, things have been all over the place! This miracle has me in awe, in tears, and in laughing fits. I have doubted myself, questioned all of the advice that I’m getting (I’ve also been reading a fair share of do’s and don’ts… whew) and it can definitely be overwhelming. Reassuring me is God’s ever constant promise: I will never leave you, nor forsake you. The fact that He knows this little one by name. His love for me. God is good. More soon.

❤ M